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Overheard (or directly stated to me) this week:

At our age, you really have to start watching the shapes of your hair cut.

Aside from your inconsistent pronoun use, at ANY age, you better watch starting a sentence with the phrase ‘at our age,’ because at my age, I’m pretty sure I can still take you out.

Excuse me, Mrs. Weems, what is a tape?

(Question raised in my ENGL 102 class after reading Ray Carver’s short story “Cathedral” where a blind man and a woman exchange [cassette] tapes) *cue best old lady voice* Well, in the olden days we didn’t have these fancy schmancy ipodish things…we had cassette tapes and walkmans. Cassettes are little plastic boxes with yards and yards of audio, recorded on brown plastic demon-possessed quarter inch wide tape. Before that there were 8 track cassettes. Before those, we had these crazy discs called vinyl records! (My students’ eyes glazed over by the time I said “the olden days.”)

If someone really wants to do groundbreaking work on hair growth, they should isolate these two crazy hair follicles on my chin that seem to grow inch-and-a-half long hairs overnight.

Bwahahaha…seriously.