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A new year is often full of promise, but promises are sometimes heavy. When I woke up this morning, I felt no rush of new energy, no trumpets sounded, no confetti canons burst over my head. In fact, a few minutes of darkness pulled at the edges of my blanket, encouraging me to slip under—to give way.

I said no and willed my legs over the side of the bed.

2015 is going to be an exciting, grieving, rejoicing, laughing mess. Every year is. Some years hold more grief, and I am bracing for the joy and grief I know is coming with a PCS move planned this summer. Other griefs I cannot even imagine are sure to throw themselves into my path. But I know this: even in the deepest darkest painful places, there are small lights to be found—small wonders, a passing smile, a breathtaking sunset. I’m not chasing happiness for its own sake in 2015—I’m after a full life in Christ, which means I won’t sidestep pain, I won’t run from grief, and I’ll feel irritable, defeated, and lost at times. BUT I will KNOW there is light, and that it is the only way to defeat whatever darkness I face. There is a deep peace and quiet joy in this small light. If you are in the dark today, I pray God gives you eyes to see one small light today and that it might give you hope to believe—believe and keep going. If you are in the dark of loneliness, don’t believe it—you are not alone. If you are in the dark of illness, physical or mental, don’t give up hope—keep the course of treatment. If you are in the dark of disillusionment, believe one small truth today: you are loved and valuable.

Here’s to a beautiful mess of a year ahead: 2015.